Date: 2010-03-09, 2:40PM CST
Reply to: email@example.com
I have a used queen size mattress that I'm giving away for free. It's only a couple years old. Unsure of the brand as there are no remaining tags. Some slight discoloration, but there are no visible blood or semen stains.
My Snarky Comments:
Gee...I never bought a bed from Johnnie Cochran before.
There goes my dream of getting a DNA profile of the fucker who rips the tags off the mattresses.
No "visible" blood or semen stains? I've never seen a giant squid or dark matter either. That doesn't mean they don't exist.